


The One Who Howls Inside Your Head

by Smiley5494



Series: The Persephone Universe [4]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Agender Character, Asexual Character, Don't Like Don't Read, Gay Character, Gender Dysphoria, Gender Identity, Gender Issues, I am just coming to terms with my own gender, I will not tolerate mean comments, Internalized Acephobia, Internalized Homophobia, Podfic Welcome, Self-Acceptance, Sexuality Crisis, and will not tolerate comments that attack that or anything else
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-05
Updated: 2020-01-05
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:49:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22126660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Smiley5494/pseuds/Smiley5494
Summary: She feels uncomfortable in her skin like there’s something wrong with how she is. A growing itch beneath her form, one that she desperately wants to scratch but doesn’t know where, why, or how.It hurts.“You are not alone.”“You are not broken.”Or the one in which I project my gender and sexuality onto my favourite OC and get it all off my chest in less than a thousand words.
Series: The Persephone Universe [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1535063
Kudos: 20





	The One Who Howls Inside Your Head

She feels uncomfortable in her skin like there’s something wrong with how she is. A growing itch beneath her form, one that she desperately wants to scratch but doesn’t know where, why, or how.

It hurts.

* * *

Reginald is a no-nonsense sort of person, everything is optimised for usability, not appearance. He orders uniforms and sports underwear for every single sibling.

Sports bras flatten her chest more than any other kind. She can almost feel the itch abiding a little bit. 

She breathes easier.

She doesn’t know why.

* * *

_Sometimes she catches a glance in the mirror and she thinks,_ This is Me. This is who I am. _A second later she’ll catch another glance and think,_ This is Not-Me. _She knows this with certainty she doesn’t use on much else._ Whoever this is, _she thinks, her eyes lingering on the mirror,_ Whoever this is, who moves when I move and breathes when I breathe, isn’t me. _She wonders when she’ll be happy in her skin when she no longer feels the urge to shed it for something else—for something foreign and unknown._

* * *

‘Number Eight’ is different from ‘Persephone' and different again to ‘Percy’. All three live in her head, not separate entities but different enough that her siblings picked up on it. They—through the following years—called her by which name seemed to fit more.

Number Eight was ruthless, her father’s killing machine, perfect in everything he asked her to do. For every mission and the first eight years of her life Number Eight was all that she was. The best of the best. A manipulator at heart.

Persephone was an escape. She was the older sibling—the one they turned to for help. She was powerful in more ways than one; she was the protector, the one who admitted to a punishment she never would deserve.

Percy was the youngest. The eighth. The one who needed protecting rather than the one who protected. When she was called Percy she was simply a girl, ordinary in every way except that she is anything but.

They call her Percy after she dies. Forever remembered as their little sister who’s life was taken too soon.

Percy was there when their father wasn’t. She did not have multiple personalities, simply a nickname for three acts. Three different facades; three different names. She is all of those people and more, she is cloaked in the souls of many. Over time, the names blend together until she is herself and 'Percy' and 'Persephone' are interchangeable. 'Number Eight' stays separate; some things are too broken to fix, even with time.

She does not have a name for the itch beneath her skin. 

She wonders how she can fix her broken self.

_"And you’re not broken.” Five says years later when she has figured out some of the itch beneath her skin. She holds his words close to her heart and wishes with all her might that he was right. He normally is, after all._

* * *

She comes to terms with her gayness. She knows it fits, the way she knows her hair is black and she feels more comfortable in her tie-dye hoodie and comfy boots than anything else. 

It takes time, weeks to realise that she will never make a monster proud of her. Her father will never agree and she _knows_ that. Knows it like the back of her hand, like she knows how her siblings would react to a certain scenario.

Not this one though.

She refuses to think about it.

* * *

It is only seventeen years after she dies that she will read the book she’d hidden away. The one about sexuality, gender and everything else.

She learns about asexuality. The lack of sexual attraction. 

She squirrels herself away and hides for a couple of weeks and thinks. She comes to terms with it and figures out how she can accept that this is one more thing she will have to fit in with.

She learns about non-binary genders; agender, demigender. She learns names and definitions.

She hides for a few more weeks.

* * *

Klaus and Ben find her after a month—her book in her hands and tear tracks on her cheeks.

She tells them everything, and Klaus kneels beside her. Ben takes her book and flips through.

“You are not broken, Percy,” Klaus says. Her heart clenches in her chest.

“How do you know?” She demands, “I could be.”

“But you’re not,” Ben says, holding her book in his hands. “This says it’s common. You are not alone.”

She holds that close to her heart, along with Five’s “you’re not broken.” Klaus helps her order a binder and together they tell their siblings everything.

_“You are not alone.”_

_“You are not broken.”_

It speaks promises into her mind, whispers of who she is and what she can become.

And she welcomes it with open arms and a hopeful smile.

_“You are not alone.”_

_“You are not broken.”_


End file.
